This Girl Story
by Bianca Colclough - the founder of THIS GIRL
What is your earliest childhood memory?
Is it playing in the garden or on holiday with family? Is it a birthday party with friends or the birth of a sibling?
My earliest childhood memory is playing a game with a family member where I sat on his knee, he held a marble in one of his hands and I had to guess which hand it was in. A simple game I could play for hours and one I loved. Unfortunately, this was to be the beginning of many years of sexual abuse. I was 6 years old.
As I entered my teens I became frustrated with school, I am bright academically but school wasn’t for me. My first Saturday job was at the age of 13, I loved the sense of freedom and earning money. I kept a job all through school and still left with good grades.
But life was to change in a drastic way once again…….
My parents split when I was 15 which came as a shock to me. Overnight our family home became an empty shell, my mum left taking my sister with her and I was to live with my dad. I didn’t understand mental health at the time and certainly wasn’t equipped to understand the breakdown of a marriage.
My dad is my rock - Outgoing and career-driven. We would stay up late watching boxing, Jerry Springer, and both cry at the movie Ghost! These are the happy memories I have of being a teen. Seeing this strong influential figure in my life become a shell of himself was difficult to take, I felt helpless. We muddled through together making the best of the situation finally selling up and leaving our family home for a beautiful rural home which would become our sanctuary.
The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster for me – married & divorced within 18 months and 2 tragic miscarriages. There is only so much pain a human being can endure. Life was just getting too much to cope with…..
I got into the bath, gave my dogs a big hug, placed my head under the water, and closed my eyes. I felt nothing, no pain, no sadness just a sense of serenity and calm. I knew that l had given up and it was time to go.
I don’t remember much else of that day it was surreal. It was from that day forward that I decided things needed to change. This was in May 2019.
With the help of a close friend, I decided to reach out to my family. They only knew of the alter ego Bianca and had no idea of my pain. I told them everything and of course, they were shocked because on the surface I was “ok”.
“This Girl” is here because I know there are many women who have experienced trauma in some form. They use work as a release. I am passionate to bring these women together. Help them to grow their business and self- worth but ultimately give them a platform to know its ok not to be ok. I owe my life to my family, friends & counselor who has enabled me to make sense of just being myself. No matter what you have been through in your life it is how you use those experiences that shapes your future.